The Unexpected Expectation

You’ll never know what you’re going to get when you expect the least. You’ll never guess who you’re going to meet when you don’t let anything bothers you. Expectation kills, expecting the unexpected seems impossible, and everything just goes as it is.

What am I saying? Nothing, actually. These are just something in my mind.. and mostly because I met an unexpected someone just now.

He walked in and told abang that he wanted to meet me. We sat down, we talked, and that’s it. He told me a bunch of stuff about his life — I tried hard not to listen because guilt kills, too, you know? It went well, actually, he didn’t seem crazy, or even mad at me. He just told me how glad he is when I met the man of my life. I don’t know whether he meant that or not — I just don’t want to find out.

Such nostalgia.

He kept on looking at me, trying to find any place anywhere in me, but I didn’t let him. I couldn’t even look at the guy in the face because I’m too scared of my own crime. The kind of consequences that I realize, but still too scared to deal with. I’m such a fool. I’m scared not because I regret what I did, but because I’m happy with what I chose. And.. the fact that I hurt somebody who loves me, made me wonder.

Yeah, I was too scared because I’m so happy with my life now.. and to get to this kind of life, I have to hurt someone. But, abang told me that I shouldn’t feel bad about being happy. He told me not to worry about other people when I have to live my own happiness. Getting hurt is a part of life and it’s just something everyone needs to deal with in the end. He told me that I shouldn’t feel bad because I didn’t intentionally hurt him.. it’s just something that I have to do. Being egoistic should be done when it comes to well-being. People come and go.. that’s just life.

I don’t know what to say until he decided to go. In the end, he told me that he still loves me and he has no hard feelings towards me. He said sorry that he couldn’t be there for me — while that’s not the reason why I left him. Well, he knows exactly why, actually. So, I guess his apology was just his regret — even though I never really think about it.

I should be the one who say sorry to him. Sorry that I have to hurt him for my own happiness. But I’m never sorry for my decision.

It’s just life, right?

Life is, indeed, a bitch.

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